I am packing up all my stuff for storage so I can go this week, I don't know what to expect. The way I see it I have had years of "fun" with this crap, now its time for me to pay it back, if I have to sleep on the street.
I have to clean my life up, for me, and the people around me. I am pissing all my money down the drain. My life, my future. Everything, and anything I currently have, or might get in the future. As far as I am concerned, I have an Ipod to lose, nothing else.
Let me be more specific, I have 1 person left in my life that has any hope that this ends. Everyone else has
Given up on me, with no fight from me, I would have given up on myself a long long time ago. I found a dog sleeping in a pile of trash that I took in, She is the only one that loves me no matter how much I spend, how much blood I have dried on my skin, how I might jerk away from her touch because I'm bruised, or swollen, or so high that I don't know who touched me.
But if I fail, she will be taken away from me by that one person who still has hope for me.
If I fail I WILL DIE ALONE, If I fail I won't even have hope for myself so I might as well just end it, save the money, at least at that point I'll still have something to give to my girl. Otherwise, I will just suck all the joy, love, faith, trust and money out of her life. Why put her thru that, I'm not happy like this, the only thing I have to lose, is the knowledge that I haven't completely ruined her life, YET.