update! sorry for the delays

i have been keeping a diary that i can update later, now i willl just give my current situation. mainly for my friends following me.
i went to a hotel to sell some pills to a lady, met a girl, and her dad. offered to buy her dad a beer she said he was 10 months sober. that was that never saw the lady, so i went back another day and he was there so i asked about his sobritey, he talked about jesus, and said he knew an cab driver, we went and found the cab driver who lived in tj had a herion problem too, knew the places, the clinics, and ther  canadian guy said get him some help, ill pay for the cab, 15 mins later i was in a rehab, locked up like jail, probley the best thing for me for a couple days, then i started bitching about stuff as i cant go to meetings in spanish cause they talk to fast and i zone out, i said i want help, but i need it in english im not here toget my spanish better im here to get my life better, that marked a big change in the program for me, suddenly im out with the bosses, taking the bus, walking around, always supervised. but that is probley for the best too. they like me as i am the one of the few that came by myself, even though it all happened so quickly i didnt have much of a choice. they are suppposedly opening a clinic for americans here so they are going to have me work for them. i keep going back and forth about how long i will stay it is a 3 month program, but in spanish you might as welll talk to me in tounges. also today i found out my fiances best frinds cousin recently overdosed on heroin in tj.
after hearing that i was tramitized went to the kitchen where pink floyds wish you were here was playing.
that song reminds me of my best friend in seattle who died from heroin too. i almost lost it. im still shaking literally. it makes me think of staying longer.
despite the name of the website this isnt free its 270usd a month, plus my smokes, and food, as im vegitarian.
i dont know what else to say
but i think i will be able to come daily now, or at least a couple times a week
bye

detox day 4

lost of gatoraide and 2 bannanas, i was ffreezing with 3 layers of sweats in 68 f or about 24 walked to the beach, but my feet hurt to bad, i just sat down ended up talking with about 4 people about how good the heroin in tj is, but there is none here. it seems there are alot of former jukies here cause they cant get it, although 3 hours up the road, its a 8usd or so a gram, 45usd in tj. i cant go back there, ever. culican. mexicos 2 murder capitial after juarez got drunk took pills didnt sleep much


sorry if the typing is bad these are mexican keyboards thing work diffrent and im not spell checking cause i dont care
thats it for tonight 4 new posts to cach up. some are 2 days i have a journal ill publish for those days later

detox day 3

i was hungover bad, starving for h2o ran out side to a taco shop to buy a drink. later gateraide, then beer, pacifico. no food.

day 2 of detox on bus

, with 12 hours to go i sucked it up as much as possible got to mazatlan, asked for a cheap room i was told the cheapest hotel was 60usd a nightas carnaval started in 6 days so i rented a shitty room for 500mx a week, about  35usd went to a bad part of town looking to score, after all this is the mexican state where it all comes from, but 20 people tell me coke, meth or weed, there is not heroin in mazatlan, dumb luck. i got drunk with some street guy took some colonipin and smoked pot and passed out

im back sorry ruined my computer, 28 hours on a bus poor and lost

well i guess im about a week behind
i spilt soda on my computer
the next day i took a 28 hour bus ride to mazatlan mexico, i took enough heroin to stay well till i got there
but i hid it, lost 1, dropped the other on the floor by me the military found it, searched me for a whle and let us go. somewhere else they found some coke on the floor by someone, im sure that helped me, just a used bus.the rest of the heroin in my mouth i shot up instantly after that was over, started feeling sick, took a couple imidoa ad 2 colinopin 2mgs and some liquor and passed out till 8 am, my bus left at 3pm the day before.
i guess im missing one more day, the day of the computer i did alot of drugs, like break up sex. i needed it all on more time. i dont remember it.

USING METH TO HELP MY HEROIN DETOX, AND I'M LEAVING BY MONDAY!

1ST off I talked to the bus company today, I will leave Monday AT THE LATEST, maybe sooner, I need to make sure I have all the supplies I need, and everything my girl needs is done, and spend as much time with her as possible, as I will be gone for months.
2nd, I'm thinking another day/night of meth would be good for my detox, so when I get on the bus, for a 27 hour bus ride, I can sleep the whole time. I have looked into this thing, to see if it is known to help. And what I found out, from a government website (.gov) methadone is used for cocaine, and meth addiction as well.
I have know for years the methadone clinic in Tijuana gives methadone to meth heads, but they are a business, and want to get as many people as possible on methadone for the rest of their lives. 20 years ago i was addicted to meth, I don't see how methadone would have helped me as my issue was i do it for work, after i cant sleep when i finally get to sleep i have to get up in an hour, so i have to do it again, or, do it before i go to sleep so the next day i could sleep after work.
This never worked, I was stuck in a vicious circle, I guess if it works on the same receptor in the brian it could help. I shot up meth for 3 months, STRAIGHT, when i left the town, i had NO withdrawals. so I still don't see how it would help, I have heard of people having withdrawals so for them it might help, but methadone is very addictive, and worse than any drug as you have to get up early to get it, basically if you don't make it to the clinic, on THEIR time schedule, your screwed. its a drug whos dealer only sells from 5am to 12, and you can never go on vacation. Plus it opens a window to an opiate addiction, which in my opinion is worse than anything and iI have tried everything except PCP, even drugs that are not illegal YET, or were legal at the time i did them.
But I don't think methadone is the way to go with a meth addiction, but with an opiate addiction, I do think I helps if used once every week or too. When on meth, link a typical meth head, I could spend 18 hours to fix a VCR that I don't even use, but it is because i am focused on that, and forget about everything else, many times i will only smoke 1 or 2 cigarettes in a day, because i forgot as i was focused on something else; It is that mind set i seek when I do meth, forget about heroin, focus on something else.
When it wears off I can take a small dose to not be sick, and something for sleep and I could sleep 24+ hours, those are hours when I am not using heroin not to mention the time before when I was focused on other stuff. I definitely think it can be a tool when used lightly, as can opiates, but I know that is a tool I can never use again, as I have figuratively cut off both my hands.

TOADY, BETTER THAT I EXPECTED!!

Well, for those of you following the bog, I was pissed about the last landlord not giving us our deposit back. Well, after another meeting, lots of yelling and math, we got back what I consider fair. So now I have enough money to travel for my detox, and tonight my fiance gets paid, well tomorrow.
This makes me really excited,Im so ready to give this life up. And as I have said I will also do a blog about traveling in Mexico cheap, so I will have purpose to get out and see thing. Most important I think, is to give me something to do.
 It's a 24 hour bus ride from Phoenix, or 2 hours flight so I heard. But those prices are not good until march, but it's the same price. I'm just ready to start now. So it's a matter of days!
Now I have to figure out my travel plans, I would like to start (detoxing) in Mazatlan, as its warm and I can find a heap place to detox, I think (I hope)! The reasons are its warm there to combat the chills and warm water to combat the bone pains.
Another reason, trains traveling south have to stop in Mazatlan to get a bigger, or more engines, as the route out of Mazatlan is all uphill. so i figure a good place to get out of town free, and since it's not close to the border, security is relaxed, and some trains, the longer ones (they go the furthest) don't even fit in the train yards, so they might be sticking out a 1/2 mile on each side.
I have heard the trains can be dangerous, but most people are traveling north, and I am prepared to defend myself if necessary.
I will miss my girl and my dog, and my home, my bed, TV.
but i will be excited to not have to see the dealers the unwanted sickness, having to wake up and go straight to downtown before i do anything, the smell of hot cat piss (the smell of cooking heroin), the blood, the swollen limbs, the bruises, the scars, the lengths i go to hide this from people, the fear of the police, the thought that I am not only ruining my life but the life of my fiance, the fact that i cant make anything of myself like this.
All this I will be ecstatic to never have to see again, never.

But I have been reading a Mexico train blog, and I followed train tracks from the border, all the way down (it took a long time!)
But there is no trains between Baja California Norte, and Sinaloa, I found that very surprising, as the Colorado River it drained for farms well before it gets to the Sea of Cortez!
But I will start looking on craigslist to figure out step one, so if anyone know anyone going from TJ, sand diego, Orange County or LA, to Phoenix, Nogales, Mazatlan, or anywhere in between to or from my destination. Please let me know, I might be able to share gas cost, or driving time, anything could help no matter how small. Or if you know a cheap place somewhere in Mexico I could rent.
Well, thats all for this post, hopeful tomorrow, I will have a schedule!