About Me

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Tijuana, Baja California Norte, Mexico
I am 37 been a junkie for over 10 years, here are some of my stories...

Wednesday, February 16, 2011


1ST off I talked to the bus company today, I will leave Monday AT THE LATEST, maybe sooner, I need to make sure I have all the supplies I need, and everything my girl needs is done, and spend as much time with her as possible, as I will be gone for months.
2nd, I'm thinking another day/night of meth would be good for my detox, so when I get on the bus, for a 27 hour bus ride, I can sleep the whole time. I have looked into this thing, to see if it is known to help. And what I found out, from a government website (.gov) methadone is used for cocaine, and meth addiction as well.
I have know for years the methadone clinic in Tijuana gives methadone to meth heads, but they are a business, and want to get as many people as possible on methadone for the rest of their lives. 20 years ago i was addicted to meth, I don't see how methadone would have helped me as my issue was i do it for work, after i cant sleep when i finally get to sleep i have to get up in an hour, so i have to do it again, or, do it before i go to sleep so the next day i could sleep after work.
This never worked, I was stuck in a vicious circle, I guess if it works on the same receptor in the brian it could help. I shot up meth for 3 months, STRAIGHT, when i left the town, i had NO withdrawals. so I still don't see how it would help, I have heard of people having withdrawals so for them it might help, but methadone is very addictive, and worse than any drug as you have to get up early to get it, basically if you don't make it to the clinic, on THEIR time schedule, your screwed. its a drug whos dealer only sells from 5am to 12, and you can never go on vacation. Plus it opens a window to an opiate addiction, which in my opinion is worse than anything and iI have tried everything except PCP, even drugs that are not illegal YET, or were legal at the time i did them.
But I don't think methadone is the way to go with a meth addiction, but with an opiate addiction, I do think I helps if used once every week or too. When on meth, link a typical meth head, I could spend 18 hours to fix a VCR that I don't even use, but it is because i am focused on that, and forget about everything else, many times i will only smoke 1 or 2 cigarettes in a day, because i forgot as i was focused on something else; It is that mind set i seek when I do meth, forget about heroin, focus on something else.
When it wears off I can take a small dose to not be sick, and something for sleep and I could sleep 24+ hours, those are hours when I am not using heroin not to mention the time before when I was focused on other stuff. I definitely think it can be a tool when used lightly, as can opiates, but I know that is a tool I can never use again, as I have figuratively cut off both my hands.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011


Well, for those of you following the bog, I was pissed about the last landlord not giving us our deposit back. Well, after another meeting, lots of yelling and math, we got back what I consider fair. So now I have enough money to travel for my detox, and tonight my fiance gets paid, well tomorrow.
This makes me really excited,Im so ready to give this life up. And as I have said I will also do a blog about traveling in Mexico cheap, so I will have purpose to get out and see thing. Most important I think, is to give me something to do.
 It's a 24 hour bus ride from Phoenix, or 2 hours flight so I heard. But those prices are not good until march, but it's the same price. I'm just ready to start now. So it's a matter of days!
Now I have to figure out my travel plans, I would like to start (detoxing) in Mazatlan, as its warm and I can find a heap place to detox, I think (I hope)! The reasons are its warm there to combat the chills and warm water to combat the bone pains.
Another reason, trains traveling south have to stop in Mazatlan to get a bigger, or more engines, as the route out of Mazatlan is all uphill. so i figure a good place to get out of town free, and since it's not close to the border, security is relaxed, and some trains, the longer ones (they go the furthest) don't even fit in the train yards, so they might be sticking out a 1/2 mile on each side.
I have heard the trains can be dangerous, but most people are traveling north, and I am prepared to defend myself if necessary.
I will miss my girl and my dog, and my home, my bed, TV.
but i will be excited to not have to see the dealers the unwanted sickness, having to wake up and go straight to downtown before i do anything, the smell of hot cat piss (the smell of cooking heroin), the blood, the swollen limbs, the bruises, the scars, the lengths i go to hide this from people, the fear of the police, the thought that I am not only ruining my life but the life of my fiance, the fact that i cant make anything of myself like this.
All this I will be ecstatic to never have to see again, never.

But I have been reading a Mexico train blog, and I followed train tracks from the border, all the way down (it took a long time!)
But there is no trains between Baja California Norte, and Sinaloa, I found that very surprising, as the Colorado River it drained for farms well before it gets to the Sea of Cortez!
But I will start looking on craigslist to figure out step one, so if anyone know anyone going from TJ, sand diego, Orange County or LA, to Phoenix, Nogales, Mazatlan, or anywhere in between to or from my destination. Please let me know, I might be able to share gas cost, or driving time, anything could help no matter how small. Or if you know a cheap place somewhere in Mexico I could rent.
Well, thats all for this post, hopeful tomorrow, I will have a schedule!

Monday, February 14, 2011

so far, a horrible day

I woke up sick, went to do y drugs,  and I got too much blood in the heroin, so it just turns into a clot, ruining the drugs.  I start stressing out, because im sick, and need my drugs, its like putting a steak in front of a dog for 5 mins, then taking it away.
So I got upset, and started yelling about how my drugs were ruined, my girl is sick (this tie the throat) again so I could not understand what she was saying, which got me more irritated. She got upset and started crying, that got me more upset.
This continued to escalate until I got more drugs, a 10 min trip, and got them in me.
This is how this drugs make me treat the person I love more that anyone, she was only upset cause I was yelling, I was upset about the drugs, and her crying, and not being able to understand what was happening.
I have to go more later......…

Sunday, February 13, 2011


"Typical addict blaming someone else for your reason to use, and the reason you got addicted. Take responsibility for your addiction, it's 100% your fault that you use and that you are an addict. Until you stop blaming others you will never get clean. Good Luck to you though."
OBVIOUSLY  you have read my blog, where does it say someone else made me do this. I did it myself.
I don't think a doctor saying "you have the key the the candy cabinet, what do you want" hold no responsibility.
And yes I was told that by a doctor.
But before you make comments on who I am or who I blame for my issues, get off your ass ad read the WHOLE blog, maybe even just the titles. This is never something I blamed on someone else.
and just another junkie blaming some else, do you know any junkies, have you ever done drugs,  you have no idea what you are talking about. even if I was blaming everyone else, who cares as long as i get myself together. thats what this blog is about. to teach people who don't know anything about heroin, what it's really like. Second how i plan to detox to hopefully give other some hope that they can do it too.

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