14, NOT AS BAD AS YESTERDAY!

We are almost done unpacking, so I can focus on what I need to, plus I might be leaving in about 2 week. Waiting, is almost worse, I just want to be over with all this everything, the needles, the swollen limbs, the blood, the trips to a shady area, worrying about the police, and how it affect my personal lives most of all.

So I was looking at my ole, and can people please tell me why it it not helpful, and what I would need to do to make it helpful?
I have said many times I want people to know what they are getting themselves into. So that is my main goal, knowing that would you still sat it isn't helpful?
i'm not writing this for the hell of it, if i am not getting my viewpoint, and a lesson, if not completely spelled out. across, in my mind, I'm waiting my time. so if there is something i could do to remedy this situation PLEASE let me know

DAY 13

this is getting hard, i cant seem to get past my current dosage, i get too crazy , anger from know where.  emotional , depression, i feel like everything is coming down on me, and i don't know why i cant handle anything. it all just becomes too much to deal with. I'm falling apart while i wait to go. the emotional part of all this, the plan, the though that no  mater what i do i'll never be able to change, this is my destiny. what if I fail, then what

how am i gonna get myself out of this. what if the desire never leaves.

I have to stay gone until it goes away, how long until i know if i can t fix this, at what point do i know i cant ever be normal, and stop trying, to be something i cant.

DAY 12

Finally the last day of moving, we are almost done, then I can start being sick, and staying in bed.
I have had too much to do, but still managed to lower my dose 33%. and I couldn't have done it without meth, or the lack of sleep caused by meth, which let me sleep over 24 hours. As I said before I woke up sick, but if I could do that every day I would be off in a week.
I have such a high tolerance with sleeping pills, they usually don't even put me to sleep.
Tylenol PM worked the best, but that doesn't even work anymore. Maybe forcing myself to stay up will help.
(as i will not be doing meth daily)
Before I leave for my big detox/cold turkey, I might do it one more time, to get as low as possible.
 Im at about $4USD a day now, so little it seems like it should be easy to quit, I wish, it is just as hard as a $200 habit.
The place where I get my drugs, I drove past last night to get some, and there was a dead body out front. I don't know if he was hit by a car killed himself, just died, or was killed, but it makes me a little nervous to go there. sadly that doesn't mean i wont go, i have to. until i leave this town i'm hooked.
SAD.

RESPONDING TO COMMENTS ON USING METH TO HELP MY DETOX

We have been moving, my fiance has been sick so I have done almost everything, with limited time, I got some meth, stayed up, and moved 90% of the house, I slept over a day, that is over 1 day without heroin, I was very sick when I woke up, but the fact that I was sick meant I was in detox.

Which is an important part of lowering my dosage.
This is NOT a regular thing, I don't like coke, so I wont be doing that.
This was only an observation on my part, I still think it helped. I DO NOT THINK THIS IS RIGHT FOR EVERYONE. AND I DO NOT RECOMMEND IT TO ANYONE!
16 YEARS AGO I WAS ADDICTED TO METH, I quit cold turkey, and never looked back, it is not a drug I enjoy, the reason I was addicted was I did it when I woke up, and took pills to sleep. But that never worked so I would get 1 hour of sleep before work so I did it again, it was a vicious circle.
I dint enjoy it, I got stuck in a cycle.
Like I said this is a drug I do not enjoy, I will not be replacing heroin with another drug unless IT'S a non opiate prescribed by a DR.

IF YOU LIKE THIS BLOG PLEASE CLICK ON AN AD!!!

I MAKE A COUPLE CENTS, BUT I COULD REALLY HELP ME PAY FOR A PLACE TO STAY WHILE I DETOX FOR 2 WEEKS!
THANKS FOR EVERYONE'S SUPPORT!

DAY 11 I WOKE UP SICK

AND WENT TI GET MY DRUGS, NEARLY CRAPPING MYSELF WAITING. BUT WHEN I GOT HOMW, I FORGOT, IT HAS BEEN SO LONG BETWEEN MY LAST DOSE, SO I DID 2 TIMES MORE THAT I WAS SUPPOSE TO, I DID MY WHOLE DAS SUPPLY AT ONCE.
THAT WOULD BE OK, EXCEPT, I HAVE TO MOVE, AND I WILL LIKELY BE UP LATE, I HATE HAVING TU PUSH BACK EVERY TIME I WANT TO DETOX, I CAT BECAUSE I CAT BE SICK, BECAUSE SOMEONE ELSE IS, AND I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING.
IT SUCKS, I NEED TO LEAVE, I CANT WAIT TO LEAVE.

DAY 10, DOING METH TO LOWER MY DOSE?

I have done a little research, and while this is likely not the best idea for most people, it seems to help for me. Meth works in your brain like heroin, in theory keeping you from withdrawals, but it doesn't do that, i keep you awake, as we have ben moving w/my fiance sick I have done most everything, and though we are not done, we are 1 truckload away! but seeing as i have had to pack a house alone load and unload a truck, alone, I got some meth. at first it seemed like i was doing more, but in reality i was doing the heroin every time i started to get sick, since i wasn't sleeping, every 6 or so hours, i did some.
But since i was up, and working for 3 days, i slept 27 hours straight, obviously I woke up sick and did a little, but less than normal, Im thinking if i drug myself to sleep in a couple hours, I will be closing in on 48 hours with 1 dose, that would mean i need 1 a day, $2.20 USD, thats pretty low, so thats my plan for now, as i want to get as low as possible before i leave.

trying to add RSS service ti thus blog

anyone know how?
ALSO YESTER PEOPL CLICKED ON MY AD I GUESS I MADE $4, TODAY NOT ONE, CICK, HOW DOES THAT WORK? $4 A DAY WILL PAY FOR THIS WHOLE THING!

The story of my herion detox, and my life and/or death.: DAY 8-9 MOVING

The story of my herion detox, and my life and/or death.: DAY 8-9 MOVING: "I have been moving the last 2 days without sleep, I feel horrible, as im working on a dose for someone with 12 hours sleep, its about to be ..."

DAY 8-9 MOVING

I have been moving the last 2 days without sleep, I feel horrible, as im working on a dose for someone with 12 hours sleep, its about to be 24 + hours, when I wake I will be in full withdrawal.
When that happens you blood pressure really drops. Making veins even harder to find. That translates into 1 hour trying lots of blood and something very swollen and painful.
I Hope that is not the case but it is. it happens when I sleep for 12 hours, so this will be a lot worse, but maybe, I can lower my dose a little.
Or maybe ill get sick in my sleep and wake like that.
I Used to travel any change i got, I have been to 14 countries, but
Now I have to stay close to my connection.
The worsts part of down.
it's just one more way i am wasting my life, and pissing it ll away