About Me

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Tijuana, Baja California Norte, Mexico
I am 37 been a junkie for over 10 years, here are some of my stories...

Friday, February 11, 2011

TODAY I REALIZED THE LENGTHS I GO TO KEEP MY SECRET

If you have followed my site, first off thanks, seconds thanks for finding me again. For everyone else I had to change the address of my blog because after my post last night, while sending out twits, goggle buzz, Facebook, etc., i have to people watching m site so they know when there is an update. well i had Facebook, (which i hate to begin with) but it is by far the best site to find, connect, and stay in touch with people.
Anyway I sent an alert, or notice"that I had posted an update to my bog, 'the story of my heroin...…"
It got sen to all my friends and family. Living in Mexico, I felt shielded from the shame from everyone knowing, That was only something I thought I could hide, so close to leaving and doing some dumb shit like that. Trying to write a blog, and get people to come to it, without using your personal contacts, is hard.
And while I do want people to come to my blog, I work/ed very hard to keep myself private. Sure if you search around you might find out who I am (no-one).
Now I don't have the luxury of 5 years fro now saying, "I had a heroin problem years ago......."
Maybe there isn't a good way to explain this part, as my family life is very complicated.

SO NOW EVERYONE KNOWS
As distant as I am with my family, it makes me sacred to call them. To friends I might have to see soon, or job prospects, when I move to Seattle, people I didn't see often. This is a part of my life (the addiction) I want to forget, don't get me wrong, I don't want to forget at all, but I don't want to have to explain it to people for years to come, a lot of conservative people, who would think I was stupid, but Rush Limbaugh was brave. Or that he was different from me, in any way, except he had people go get his drug of choice, Oxycotin, also my drug of choice, but at this point n m life above my reach, actually the drug that got me here.
In some peoples eyes, I will always be an idiot, in mind, I will aways be curious, and want to try new things, go new places, live in new places. I want to experience life, this drug has kept me from doing
That Between the methadone clinic, and a heroin connection, I really can't leave town, unless I want to travel thru military checkpoints, I don't. I don't want everyone to know this about me, I never used a needle from another person, I HAVE BEEN SOLD USED, DIRTY NEEDLES and thrown them away.
I have had regular medical tests. But some people will wonder, people will talk, and tell other people.
People will keep me away from their kids, which I don't want kids, and I don't want my friends to have anymore, as I don't want to share them with anyone else (that's a completely different posting!)
I'm, scared of all these things happening. I'm afraid this is like a criminal record, it will always be with me, a thru the grapevine resume.  I'm not worried about being able to restore my name, I never stole, lied or cheated. I  know there is a percentage of people who will think of e the same. I hope thats not the case.

1 comment:

Jeff said...

Hey Pal, I'm rooting for you.

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