About Me

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Tijuana, Baja California Norte, Mexico
I am 37 been a junkie for over 10 years, here are some of my stories...

Monday, January 24, 2011


I am trying to cut down before my trip, so I don't feel great, yesterday, i got a flat, today my spare got flat, i walked 2 miles, the 1/2 a mile with a tire, and 1/2 with 2 tires (they rim was damaged) so i had to get a tire, and rim, the reason i was out, was to sell stuff i don't need to fund my "trip" the money i made paid for the tire.


In the past I left for 2 weeks, came back was not sick, but was still craving it, so I went back.
I will not return until those desires are gone, usually 6-8 weeks, when I return I will be leaving again shortly to move to Seattle, where I have no connections, and lots of support.
(i know its reputation but I don't know it like that)
I want out of this life style, Im sick if my hands being to swollen to move, blood all over me, and my clothes. I have been given an ultimatum from my fiance, this is my last chance with her.
For all she has done for me, everything she has put up with the last thing I want to do is top it all off with a big FUCK YOU.
I owe her too much.
I have goals for my life for our life. And I cant continue doing what I am doing and accomplish anything.
Again the most import thing is I don't want this anymore for myself, or the people around me.

I live in Mexico Tijuana, drugs stop here before crossing to the world largest illegal drug consuming country in the world, The USA. But heroin is grown in northern Mexico, they wont ship it south as the price is 80% less, so all the drugs go north, I will also be in the middle of nowhere with no money. So that should stop any desires I have. Despite popular belief pain killers are NOT available by prescription, they are for hospital use only, MY fiance works for a neurosurgeon, and 3 plastic surgeons, they can't even prescribe pain killers.
Yes you can go to any border town and buy whatever you want, but that is because it was smuggled from the USA, I know this for a fact as I have supplied some pharmacies in the past.

Also the last 2 times I kicked, it wasn't that bad, as I had weened down, it wasn't fun but I can do it.
It about getting this out of my head, I have an addiction to the needle as much as the heroin, so just doing something different for a couple months will help break those thoughts, and if not I will deal with them. this "trip"is my "intervention" this is my chance at "rehab"I won't get this opportunity agin in my life, there is no one who would do it except my fiance, and lie i said this is my last chance. I wont fuck it up.

P.S. I really appreciate the support, the doubts, the advice, everything, it keep all these things on my mind, and gives me someone to talk to about it. I started this blog to help others see where they could end up, but surprisingly it seems to be helping me too.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Do something Positive,help somebody,even a grandma or some lady with her bags,carrying them.Quit being bored!..Life itself was bored,the planet earth has always been empty.We Men made entertainment to pass the time.What you need is someone to look up to you,a kid or a teen.Someone you could be an inspiration,you walk into empty places in your mind.Addiction,is only in your weak mind.You just progrma yourself.By doing something interesting,you'll see other doors opening.Think how much time you have wasted drugged out,what have you accomplished now at 36,are you wating to be 46 and with this needle in your veins???...There was a time of partying,but that time is up Joe.Tell that to yourself,where is your life JOE?.Are you going to run away from it all the time.You coudl go across the globe and it won't help if you don't make a determination.Not just about your fiance.BUT YOUR TIME IS LIMITED JOE.TOMORROW YOU COULD JUST BE DEAD!...Nothing that you really want for someone else you ahve accomplished,only you and your addiction.QUIT BEING SELFISH!.this is not fair to you.I told you quit being a slave.As shaky you get,this is the price.this is your wage you earned.You violated boundaries for your ego and daring yourself with drugs.This is why people that are uptight or religious warn you about.THE CHAINS YOU GO LOOKING FOR OUT THERE.WE DON'T TRUST OUR OWN BODIES!..A LESSON TO LEARN.

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