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Tijuana, Baja California Norte, Mexico
I am 37 been a junkie for over 10 years, here are some of my stories...

Sunday, January 23, 2011

How did this happen?

When I was 18 I was paid to go to a DR. Get a script for Vicodin, and Valium, I kept the Valium, and sold all the Vicodin to one guy who drove me, paid the DR. Paid for both prescriptions and gave me $100, so I made $100 and a bottle of Valium.
I learned about "DR. Shopping" "quack DR's" and I memorized drugs and their side effects, so I could now go to any DR. Say I had pain, and that these meds didn't work for me because of these side effects, leaving the Dr. with only one option, the drug I wanted.
At 1st I didn't like Vicodin, my opiate addiction started with a cough syrup, then Vicodin, then ES's then Hp's (Norcos) then Percodan, right about that time Oxycontin was realized. Then I found a DR. Who gave you whatever you wanted, and didn't even charge!
I was selling most of these drugs, but I was doing some Oxy's. AT one point I was doing $20,000.USD transactions at a time, money would be deposited in my bank, I would buy a friend a plane ticket NYC to San Francisco who would buy 500+ 80 mg Oxy's at a time. BY the time I realized I was addicted I had a $500 usd habit, not a cent of which I paid. But I obviously had a problem, so I left, moved cross country, to LA, the withdrawals from OXY is the worst thing I have ever experienced I had to make it stop, I got on Methadone, but I felt trapped on it, so I went to heroin, it was cheaper, at 1st, and I could control my dose, and work my way down, fast forward 10 years, and i now have a $10USD a day heroin habit (I live in Mexico, so it's a lot cheaper)
I am trying to continue to lower my dosage, but its hard, I want to get high, even though I cant afford to, I want to put needles in my veins, because iI have learned when I do that I feel good. But I have NO veins left, my arms, hands, feet, dick, nowhere, they are all gone, replaced by scar tissue.
If I can do my drugs in 30 mins, with blood all over myself, I have been successful.
That is a good day for me now. I am leaving this week, I don't know when, I might get a plane, bus, or even drive, but I need to get 2-3000 miles away, and get myself stranded to quit.
I have left town a quit for 2 weeks before, and come straight back to get more heroin.
I cant afford rehab, my arms are too fucked up to even look for a job in the winter.
You can see the veins of scars across my hands, and arms. So that is how this all began, I hope it will end in the jungle in the middle of nowhere. It has too, I have been given this chance to get away and some basic supplies, in a backpack and I do not want to come home till I'm sure this is out of me forever, I can never take a Vicodin, a Tylenol 3 anything ever again. I can't handle it, In my lIfe I have beat several addictions, injecting meth, eating 20+ Valium a day.
But this I CAN NOT QUIT, THE ONLY WAY IS FOR ME TO NOT BE ABLE TO GET IT. I will steal, lie, sell my stuff, or yours to get enough drugs to not get sick for 4 hours. Thats where I am at now, just trying to keep from getting sick.
But I have to get sick, people, my dad died of cancer, the suffering he went through was horrible, he had no choice. I don't either, this is my cancer, and I have to live with it.
Im Guessing for at least a year I will be wanting this crap, and I might be on the road running for a year if I have to. It's the only way, I have gone to NA meetings, they say if your on drugs, please don't speak, well how the fuck do I ask for help. So I sit there and listen to people talk about not cleaning their bathroom with a toothbrush all night, and being able to sleep, I no longer relate to that. I don't believe in a higher power. That is not an option for me, maybe someone to call when times are hard would be nice but it remains to be seen if I will have that. All I have to do is get high, get on a plane, get off, get sick, find a place to sleep. And not come home for 2 months, like that it sounds easy, I know it wont be.

1 comment:

In Spirit to the Anthems said...

Joe,Seek Jesus!.....You have corrupted your soul and body.Every day you violate your body with durgs,there is a price Joe.This is where no man,nor politics,nor media talks about.The other world/dimension among us.Men believe we are human robots with senses.But avoid the soul and spirit.You have been an addict since 18,you have invited negative forces without knowing the powerful demons behind them.I'm not going to preach an ordinary sermon of religion.But attack your history and you must be brought down aggresively because aggresively you have corrupted yourself.Now you are a slave of your own body,which your body ahs an expiration but your feelins,senses,your own spirit has always been telling you how much you are destroying yourself and slowly becoming a slave to nothingness.You wasted you limited time drugging yourself.You have avoided God or good doings for others, but selfishly just thought about YOU and satisfying your ego and your body.Which that's why Men in human form will never be able to see GOD.Because the body has and always been corrupted and filled with Sin..That's why God send Jesus to save you from your misery in your body.Your body and mind are powerful sources that if corrupted could easily destroy your soul and spirit.This are 2 that have connection with god and the mighty universe.Not your mind and body,which Mankind think this is how we reach greatness,but fail to realize the body and mind have an expiration day......From 18 to 36.Think How much longer selfishly you going to live?????....All the partying and avoidance to the good things that is your soul and spirit.Your body is so corrupted i dunno if we could save you from those chains that maybe are going to kill you.You need to free yourself from your body.Your body is your enemy NOW!!!.You have no control over it, but she does over you!.(I say "she" because this is what i understand the metaphor BIBLE from the part of adam and eve with the apple)..But you have an opportunity to find rescue and salvation for your dying soul!....Joe save yourself!.....Im crying out.I love you Joe...I hate what you do.But i love you...This is from Jesus.I live in you.You never open your ears deep inside you.Eeverything in this world closes their door to me.Mankind have made it believe im just a religion or some story telling,but deep inside other spiritual eyes ignore me and follow path of destruction with drugs,partying,fornicating,gambling,rage,anger,selfishness,greed,blaspheming againg God.Like if any of youa re going to be eternal in their bodies....I need you to fortalize your self in your spirit and soul.How can i give you another precious body in heaven,if you're destroying this human body that is only good for 70 or 80 years of life....How can i let be here with me in heaven in another perfect body,if you have trashed this one!....Put your faith in me.......I Jesus that came in perfection to this world paid the price,so your soul could be saved!.Your spirit is just your communication/phone to God.I have always told you,don't do this to you.this is WRONG!...i was worng not because it's just a drug.But it's a drug from mother Earth poison to enslave you because the realm of Satan has and always been polluted and corrupted!...Today Joe i want you to begin by hearing me out.I want you day by day to break loose.I'm always here.Put your faith in me.Quit being a servant because the wages of sin IS DEATH!!!!..There is nothing you going to gain but servitude to your body,whcih she was made from dust and dust is from earth and EARTH BELONG TO SATAN since his fall.Earth ahs always been a Prison and a place where every soul is put for test.How strong can you be from YOURSELF without anyone telling you or telling you,that youa re wrong or JUDGE YOU!...But there is a Judge.Not here on Earth,but when you die,you will meet him.I hope those high drugs are not the cause that you lose your salvation for your soul!..

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